01 Mar Healing Your Inner Child With Internal Family Systems Therapy- IFS therapy in Illinois and Louisiana
If you’ve ever been conflicted and thought that part of you wanted to do one thing while another part of you wanted to do another, you already know a little about Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS). The IFS model states that we are made up of different parts, all of which serve different functions within our internal ecosystem. Each of our parts is there to care for us, but the ways they do that important job can have major impacts on our over-all mental health. Parts that haven’t experienced healing may try to cope in ways that are ultimately destructive to us and our environment.
IFS therapy helps you identify the parts that are inside you and how they are responding to the events in your life and teaches you to help them respond in healthier ways. An IFS therapist wants to help you find harmony between all your parts. With their support you will find your true Self. Self is your core. Self is caring, compassionate, curious, calm, confident, connected, clear, and courageous. Healing, both of yourself and your relationships, comes from letting the Self be in control of your inner and outer interactions so that all your parts learn to work in harmony. When you learn how to inhabit your Self, you can give your inner child the care and validation they need.
Parts And The Inner Child
Internal Family Systems says that we are made up of three different categories of parts: exiles, managers, and firefighters. Exiles are the traumatic moments from our past, the deep wounds we’ve carried with us that have never been allowed to process or heal. Managers are in charge of keeping the system running so we can survive daily life. They are our inner critic and internal control. And firefighters are the parts of us that act up and deflect when things get really bad. They are often responsible for substance abuse or self-harm issues; they are ready to do anything to keep us safe from the pain of our exiles. Managers and firefighters exist to either protect or imprison the exiles. They know that our unhealed traumas can cause us great pain and may wreck our whole system. So, they do whatever they have to to keep us away from our them.
Our exile parts are often our inner child. As children we experience the kind of pain and trauma that we can’t deal with. We carry these untreated wounds that cause disturbances throughout our entire lives. And when our protector parts shut those exiles away to protect us, it reinforces the neglect, invalidation, and pain that created the exiles in the first place, and it becomes a vicious circle that we can’t escape.
No Bad Parts, No Bad Children
The behaviors of our parts might sound destructive and self-sabotaging, but they are trying to protect us. We have turned our traumas into exiled parts so we can avoid feeling their pain. The managers do what they can to push the exiles down so they can keep us up and functioning no matter what. Even the seemingly extreme behavior of the firefighters is all done to keep us safe. Remembering that all your parts want is for you to be taken care of is one of the core parts of IFS. It becomes easier to heal your wounds when you can come from a place of compassion. Your parts are doing their best, they just need guidance and understanding.
It is the same for the exiles. They cause us to lash out, run away, or panic at the worst moments. But it’s because they are in pain. They had needs that were never met, so they were never allowed to process their feelings. They want to be validated, comforted, and seen. When you learn to love them and care for them, you help fulfill those needs by making them feel safe. When you approach them as your Self, they know that they don’t have to disrupt the entire ecosystem to get the care they need.
The Love Of Self
The self is the compassionate core of our being. If we can learn to approach our inner child exile parts with Self energy, we will be able to learn about, reassure, and ultimately heal them. This process requires time, because we must deal with the protector parts, the managers and firefighters, before they will allow us to access our exiles. We need to reassure those parts that they can relax, that we will be okay even if the exile parts need to pour out all their pain. If we can reach our protectors with the confidence and clarity of the Self, then they won’t have to protect us from our own inner child anymore. If we are approaching them with true Self energy, they will trust us enough to let go of their destructive behaviors and learn healthier ways to support us.
And once we have access to the exiles, we can start helping them learn to heal and regulate. when they experience the unconditional love of Self, and the healthy support of the protector parts, they have a chance to experience what it feels like to have the care they need. And when you give them that support, they can, over time, process and heal.
Guidance For Healing
One of the great things about IFS is that you can do a lot of it yourself. But it is helpful to get guidance from a IFS therapist. If you looking for IFS therapist in Metairie, Kenner, River Ridge, New Orleans, West Bank New Orleans, Chicago, Highland park, or any of the Illinois or Louisiana resident, the therapists at Issa Counseling can help you navigate the complicated terrain of your inner self. IFS therapists will help you identify your protectors and their behaviors and teach you how to separate from them so that you can learn to access Self. It can be difficult to start some of those internal conversations, and we can guide you as you uncover the childhood traumas that have kept you stuck. Issa Counseling wants to support you on your journey so that you can focus all your energy on experiencing the healing that leads to inner harmony.
Always remember that you deserve to be happy. Wherever you are in your journey, we are ready to support you on the path to healing. It’s time for you to learn how to be whole.
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