27 Dec Breaking down the 6 F’s of IFS | Issa Counseling
Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) recognizes each person as an ecosystem, with a core self at the center and a multitude of parts that exist around it. When the ecosystem becomes unbalanced—when parts start engaging in extreme or distorted behaviors in order to protect exiled and vulnerable parts, the IFS therapist works with a client to find each part, learn what it wants, and help it return to being a positive part of the system. All parts have good intentions, but sometimes need to be shown healthy ways of expressing those intentions. This process begins with the 6 F’s. They provide a road map for dealing with protector parts in a compassionate and curious way.
There are 6 F’s, Find, Focus, Flesh Out, Feel Towards, Befriend, and Fear. Walking through these steps will not feel the same, or take the same amount of time for anyone, but as long as the client feels safe in the exploration process, there is no rush to move through the steps.
The 6 F’s
1. Find
Finding is the first step of the first stage of the therapy process. This stage is all about learning which part or parts need attention. During this stage it is best to just sit with the feelings and see what rises to the surface. Parts might make themselves known through images, emotions, or body sensations. This is not a stage for analysis, just a time to notice what’s coming up. Sometimes it’s good to talk through this stage, but it can also be a good moment to just sit quietly and see what parts make their presence known.
2. Focus
Once you’ve found the part, focus on it. Give it space to perform whatever its attention-seeking behaviors are, and give it space to exist. In this moment, it’s important to just let the part be there, to reassure it that it has your attention. Often parts are activated because their needs are not being acknowledged or met, and letting the part feel seen will make it easier for it to express itself authentically.
3. Flesh out
Now that it’s been given attention, the part collects into a set of bodily sensations and emotions that can be fleshed out into a self-contained entity. At this point, the part may start communicating and sending messages. You can give it space to tell you things, or to share the memories that are triggering it.
These first 3 steps can take some time if you’re new, or they can happen in quick succession if you’ve been doing IFS for a while. Remember that everyone moves through these stages in their own way and at their own pace.
4. Feel toward
This is the second stage. Now it’s important to see how other parts feel about this part’s presence. They might be upset that this specific part is getting attention or be alarmed that it will further imbalance the system. You must judge if you have enough core Self energy to move forward. If you don’t, you may have to do some work with other parts that are in the way before you can proceed.
Self-energy is measured with the 8 C’s: calm, compassion, curiosity, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity, and connection. If any of the 8 C’s are present when dealing with the part, it means Self is present and able to care for it. If more negative or extreme feelings like anger or anxiety are present it means that another protector part has stepped in to deal with the part you are trying to target.
5. Befriend
This is the start of stage 3. In the previous steps we created separation between the parts and Self and worked on creating active communication. This step is then about actually forming a relationship between this target part and Self. Work happens much more smoothly when the part trusts Self, so this is a good place to start forming that relationship. Ask the part about its function, what it’s trying to accomplish, and how it’s trying to help. Let it know that it is valued for its function, and that you respect how it’s keeping the system safe.
6. Fear
The final step for dealing with protector parts does not feel like a resolution. In this step, we ask the part what it’s afraid of. What does it think will happen if it stops being a protector? Here is often where we see the major signs of the exiled parts, those things we keep buried down deep so that they can’t overwhelm us. If the rest of the steps have been fully realized, Self will be able to have the part step aside so it can access whichever exile the protector was caring for. This stage opens a door for further exploration that is specific to working with exiled parts. There will be an article on this stage of IFS soon.
Conclusion
Everyone moves through the 6 F’s of IFS at their own pace, and in their own way. The steps provide a framework, but the process will look completely different for everyone. The most important thing is that everyone feels safe, and that we treat ourselves and all our parts with as much self-compassion as possible.
If you would like to learn more about IFS therapy, you can [read more about it here]. If you would like to start working with an IFS therapist, please fill out the contact page to get in touch with someone from our practice who can help you start your journey to Self discovery.
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